do the children play any more?
27 May 2009 2 Comments
I stumbled across a website for some of the children up for adoption in Ohio this evening. In the last few years I have subjected a select few of my closest friends to opinions and feelings about adoption. Most of my poor patient friends are aware that I am of the opinion that everyone should at least consider adoption or fostering, mostly because my heart cannot bear to see children lonely or without families and partially because we have so much.
So this evening looking through some of the photos I was undone. There are so many children who have nobody to read them bedtime stories, nobody to tell them they are precious, nobody to want them. And there are so many people who have everything to offer one of these and won’t. Most of the listings are between 6 and 12 and I can’t help but wonder…do those who are willing to adopt only consider little lost ones who are small and “cute”? I can’t help but respond. While I am safe and warm and comfortable, and I have a great family and fantastic friends, the security of a job and the luxury of study, somewhere there is a eight year old called Cody and a little girl called Courtney who want what they call a “forever family”.
This isn’t meant to be a look-how-good-we’ve-got-it blog, it’s meant to be a why-aren’t-we-doing-something-about-this blog. Doesn’t our Lord want to place the lonely in families? I read these short profiles written by case managers who want to place broken children in homes where they can have a little of the love and attention they need, and my whole heart is saying: this is NOT how You meant it to be. This is NOT how YOU meant it to be. Of course it isn’t, how could it be? But we are His hands and feet, and where are we? Where am I? Somebody, if I don’t make a difference for just one of these somehow, kick me.
are You sure You want me?
25 May 2009 Leave a Comment
There is a sweet song by Bethany Dillon that talks about the beginning of a new romance. I’ve been listening to it tonight and it’s making me think of a new beginning in relationship with God. I know it’s a love song, but there are so many aspects of it that reflect on my relationship with God. It sounds so much – so much – like a conversation i have with Him at least once a day. Even old relationships, safe relationships, have new beginnings in them. So because I have so little of worth to say right now, here are the words to the best song I know right now.
i’ve written You a thousand songs
the kind you write on rainy days
unrequited love
but now i’m humming a different tune
just twelve hours ago i was
sitting on a bench with You
and i’ve never heard
something that sweet
but are You sure You want me?
i tried to say i want this to work
yet take off the weight; if You change Your mind
i won’t hurt forever
cause i don’t know what else to do
i’d do anything just to have
three more hours on a bench with You
i’ve never heard
something that sweet
but are You sure You want me?
cause everything withinme
doesn’t want to risk, doesn’t want to risk any more
but if it means i get to see
the light in Your eyes i’ll risk so much more
and i’ve never heard
something that sweet
but are You sure You want me?
i won’t be full of second guesses
so now i’ll just sit and think about
how sweet this is
looking for a King
23 May 2009 Leave a Comment
I see a throne in a huge dark room
In a castle in a city
Covered in cobwebs, small light reflects
off motes of dust dancing:
I see a throne in a huge dark room
Empty
Empty.
I see a tomb lit through with wonder
On a hillside by the town
Meters of fabric on a stone ledge
Dust moving through the daylight:
I see a tomb lit through with wonder
Empty
Empty.
I looked for a King in the palace
I searched for Him in the cathedral
I sought His voice in grand places
And I found Him in the least:
Washing feet
Washing hearts.
I saw a King move among His people
In a guise we expected least
I see His face worn by orphans, widows, poor and hungry
By fools, friends, enemies, my own heart:
I see a King move among His people:
My heart is full
He lives in me.
——————————-
Dare to worship in spirit and in truth
Without complication
Without agenda.
things that matter more
22 May 2009 Leave a Comment
You know how sometimes I get really distracted by things that matter right now, but don’t matter next week or next year? Things that are important now, but aren’t important tomorrow? You know how there’s always just one more thing that needs to get done before you..?
My last week has been full of “just one more things”. So I decided to make a list of the things that actually do matter, and that matter more than everything else.
1. Time with Jesus. It’s always the last thing in my day, but it’s always pushing its way to first in my heart. If it’s the time I enjoy the most in my day, why does anything else prioritise itself above? He is my favorite song; I want to sing it more. I want to know more verses and the chorus and the bridge.
2. Moments of beauty that steal my breath away. Whether it’s watching the storm roll in from the ocean, observing a ladybug’s slow journey from the stem to the tip of the leaf, listening to a child laugh, one of those verses that you just - can’t – move on from, capturing the sunset on camera, or suddenly noticing how exceptional another person is, these are important – and I’m almost always tugged away from these moments by something that just has to be done. Right now. That something usually isn’t all that pretty.
3. Conversation. If you didn’t know my love language is quality time/touch, you do now. In conversation you see people’s hearts floating out of their mouths and into your ears (not literally see – but if you could see hearts, you would right?) I think Sara Groves said it best:
every heart has so much history
it’s my favorite place to start.
sit down awhile and share your narrative with me
i’m not afraid of who you are…
I love seeing who people are when they’re not being brave, or scared, or hiding scars/imperfections. Isn’t it here that we are made whole? Isn’t it here we are healed? My friends are amazing.
4. Family. I love mine.
5. Cats. They DO belong on important lists! Especially mine 
mmm…maybe I should make a list of things that just aren’t things that matter.
Hosea’s Heart
12 May 2009 Leave a Comment
God sometimes asks a lot. Hosea was asked to marry a harlot; did he know what his life would become? He had no ten-year-plan, no pre-nuptial contract, no insurance from the Lord that she would ever love him. I wonder what Hosea’s hopes were before the Lord spoke, and whether he felt them abandon him. Did he hope for a family, a house with a balcony, the peace of knowing his wife thought he was precious? Did he hope to be respected in his home and his community, did he want to be known as a man of honor? A man who loved God? A man loved by God?
I don’t know. I know Hosea was human, and I know his story reflects the powerful love of the Savior for a wandering Israel. And I know that into the middle of his own plans and hopes came the voice of the Lord: go and marry a harlot. Was it a bomb planted in his heart that exploded when she left him the first time? Or was it like landmines planted in his soul, one setting another off? Just because he obeyed God doesn’t mean it was easy. I wonder if he wondered what I have wondered: what has (s)he made me? Now where do I stand, and how is my foundation shaken?
And yet he stayed, and yet he bought her back. Paid dearly for her, over and over, as though she was his very heart cut from his side. Regardless of the pity and the scornful looks of those around him, he redeemed her at his own cost, and brought her back into a safe place. He gave her a part of his life, a life of integrity and faithfulness and wholeness -
Why did she wander? How could she wander? How could Gomer leave him – what could the world possibly offer that would be greater than her husband? And yet she did, and yet Israel does, and yet I do.
And sometimes He asks a lot of me, and sometimes I fail or falter; sometimes I hide for days, wandering the roads of my own selfishness as He tirelessly walks with me, leaves directions for me to get home, until the Divine stalking gets the better of me and I come into the open to talk with Him, this sweet Savior who buys my heart back over and over.
Sometimes He asks a lot. Sometimes the consequences of obedience are painful. Sometimes He frightens me with the intensity of His justice and love. But He is always ready to redeem me at even the highest price; and when I play Hosea instead of the harlot, He is always there to be the strength in my heart and the breath in my lungs.
“Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
I’m clinging to the cross.
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus You are all I need
I’m clinging to the cross“
- Bethany Dillon/Matt Hammitt
