Adriana's Heart

What is worth waiting for?

07 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment

by Erika in fear, Here Comes A New Thing!, Jesus, Philosophy, Romance, theology

I know, a blog is long overdue. But it’s been a few months since I felt strongly enough about anything – that I haven’t written about before, that is – to write. But now I have a topic.

As part of a conversation with a friend this afternoon, the topic of cheating came up. He’d had a conversation with a rather large group of wonderful Christian guys around the topics of sex and cheating, and he’d noted that out of this group, perhaps 3 or 4 of them hadn’t ever cheated on a girlfriend. All the others had cheated on a past girlfriend or present girlfriend. And it was as if that was okay, and normal, and as long as the girl didn’t find out…you get the picture. Before I go any further, let me just say: I don’t think you can just dismiss this issue as a “guy’s problem”. Firstly, temptation is a human problem. Sex is a human addiction. It’s not limited to guys; in fact, some recent research indicates that women struggle just as much as men. Excusing cheating on grounds of being male is inexcusable (no pun intended).

I remember when I was dating my ex, and the relationship was on the rocks big time. He was drinking and not the best company; he even was occasionally on mild drugs. The opportunities to cheat were there. The opportunity to leave one guy and move on to another one was there. The temptation for a brief emotional fling was definitely there. I was not walking with God – I was very much backslidden. But despite how bad my ex was, and despite the opportunity and the temptation, I made a very clear decision: “I am in THIS relationship. I am not going to cheat emotionally or physically. I am NOT going to take the second look, because it’s the second look that kicks off the daydreaming, the wondering ‘what if…what if I dated him, instead of x?’ I will put my hands over my eyes if I need to, to avoid that second look.” I suppose you could call it a covenant, except it was an agreement with myself rather than with someone else.

It’s not that it’s easy for girls not to cheat. It’s that women who love God know that covenental love has no room for even entertaining the thought of cheating.

If you can’t practise covenental relationships with people you’re not married to, there is no chance you’re going to be able to practise covenental relationship with someone you are married to. And if you can’t at least attempt to commit to a flesh and blood human being in front of you, whose emotions are visible to you, whose heart is laid open to you, who’s fooling who if you think you’re ever going to be faithful to God? If the person He trusts you with is the person you are not willing to protect the heart of, what can He trust you with?

Sorry, guys. We deserve better.

It’s not just that we are daughters of God. It’s not just that we are precious to Him. It’s not just that we have immeasurable worth in His eyes. Those are things you should take into account; understanding these things might change the way you see the girl in your life or cause you to appreciate or treasure her. And sure, like Bill Johnson says, if you want more favor from God, treat His daughters well. I believe it is the same for girls – if you want more favor from God, treat His sons well.

But it’s this, too;if you can’t keep it together enough to not cheat on the person you’re dating makes several things clear. You don’t respect, love, or cherish the person you’re with, and you don’t respect, love, or cherish yourself. And you’re fooling yourself if you think you can have any level of intimacy with God while you practise cheating. Infidelity by any other name, under any other guise, with any stupid excuse, remains sin, remains brokenness, remains a vital and powerful part of the enemy’s plan for your life and the other person’s life, remains infidelity.

All that said, what it comes down to is two hearts. If they’re not both committed, there is so much room for brokenness. And the heart that is looking elsewhere has left the relationship. I’m not removing the place of repentance at all – without the place of repentance there is no room for redemption or hope. But I’m saying this: get in, or get out. And learn to walk in the road of grace and commitment to God first, and the other person after. Understand that unfaithfulness breaks the image of God in you further. Understand the damage that unfaithfulness does.

And if you do cheat, please learn not to kiss and tell. Actually, just stop kissing and telling altogether. Yes, guys talk; yes, girls talk. But learn that there are things that should be kept sacred in friendship. When you kiss and tell, you uncover the other person’s heart and leave their reputation in doubt at best or in tatters at worst. Remember that despite their failings, they are still made in the image of God and that your job as even a brother or sister is to protect them. Remember that they are still the bride of Christ, and that He died for her. Remember that, when you’re tempted to share intimate details with a large group of people. If you’re married, what happened between the sheets needs to stay between you, the other person, and the sheets. If you’re not married, what happens between you needs to stay between you, not you, your wide group of friends and acquaintances, and the rest of the world.  Don’t betray someone close to you, even to help someone else. If you have to betray them, let it be because they’re drowning and you can’t swim to save them: betray them to the lifeguard.

And finally, I want to ask this question. What is worth waiting for? One comment made today was that sex is a man’s greatest struggle, and even if he’s got the right amazing woman at home, he might be away from home a whole lot. While he’s away from home, there’s a woman waiting for him to come home. Is it really that hard to say no to temptation, knowing she’s thinking of him? Is it really worth the cheap cheat? Or is it worth remembering her value, say no, and wait ’til he’s home?

Remember her worth. Girls, remember his worth. Love the Jesus in each other. Wait ’til you’re home. Love the one you’re with. Just…love.

lonely places and Jesus in the middle of them

13 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment

by Erika in fear, Here Comes A New Thing!, Jesus, Philosophy, Romance, theology

This day, this week, this month, even this year are lonely places for me, but I think I’ve found Jesus in the middle of them. Because before this semester began, God so very clearly said one thing that made me…unhappy. Restless? Edgy. He said “This year you will be very lonely…and you will need to cling to Me.” Half of me cringed; the other shrugged it off thinking it wasn’t that big a deal – it would be manageable. This week, the loneliness hit hard.

And it is truly not “manageable”. None of my nice formulas or standard means of dealing with the occasional lonely feeling are working. I think it’s just too constant for that.

I suddenly realised my best friends are geographically distant, and one is newly married. I had hoped to make new friends at Faith, but I’m the only girl in second year and there are already developed “best friendships” in place. The girls in first year have, following the natural format, developed close friendships among themselves. It’s good, and it’s right, and I was like that in second year…but I am constantly conscious of being on the outside of those friendships. Always on the outside, looking in; and the one friend who I came here with has…changed. There are layers of gossip, slander, and dishonesty floating through that friendship that I don’t know how to counteract and I am sick of being Jesus to her. I don’t want to be like Him. And yet I do. And the biggest loneliness I feel is the trying to see things through His eyes, to keep perspective clear, to still extend love – grace – compassion without allowing her past actions to taint the present. Let me make this clear: I fail. But in the moments I succeed, the loneliness in that moment is the sharpest thing in the world.

There are seasons…purposes and times in God’s hands. Perhaps the purpose of this season and time is for me to lean on Him more and better. Maybe these are the moments where I am “made” something new. I’m not sure.

What I do know is that somehow Jesus is clearer now than He was. I can’t help but think that His life here must have been too desperately lonely for words. Having only partial access to the Father and cut off from the wonder of heaven, walking through every day fellowshipping with 12 men who loved Him in their own way but who, despite having constant access to the King of Eternity, hardly recognised Him.  Nobody truly like Him…nobody loving Him unconditionally. How lonely…my Jesus…must have been.

But He kept loving relentlessly. Those who betrayed Him, those who sold Him – the creator of the earth from which the silver for which He was betrayed came – those who caught the tiniest glimpse of wonderful eternity in His eyes and worshipped Him for everything He was – as far as they could see. He loved them relentlessly. Despite His loneliness, He always had one hand outstretched to love. There is something too wonderful in that for me to grasp properly. It doesn’t make me feel any better, but it makes me love Him more than I thought I could before, because He knows.

Your Renown: Shaun Groves

On this journey home
I will walk Your road
And I will not turn round
For another.

Make my pathway straight
Into heaven’s gates
And I will not turn round
For another

Lord, it’s Your renown
Your eternal fame
That I live for now
It’s Your Name…
It’s Your Name, for Your Name

And in my heart I’m sure
I’m completely Yours
And I will not bown down
For another

Trade my selfishness
For Your holiness
And I will not bown down
For another

For it’s Your renown,
Your eternal fame
That I live for now,
It’s Your Name
It’s Your Name…for Your Name

When my song grows dim
And the dawn surrounds
I will not cry out
For another

It’s for Your renown
Your eternal fame
That I live for now
It’s Your Name…
It’s Your Name…for Your Name…